This past week, well past month… past 3 months have been very challenging for me. I’ve never felt this awkward sense of self than I have at this time. Things with my job continue to frustrate me on every level and things with the coach have been very strained. On the bright side, I really do have some great friends here in Boston and was able to share a great night out a couple weekends back AND last weekend I had a fabulous time up in Maine with my Mom and her most favorite cousin Linda. Without those two very special weekends I might go crazy!!
I’m at this place where I need to figure out if I stay or if I go. I need to figure out who I am. Who I am apart from basketball, apart from the former athlete still living in the glory days (I know its sad, but bare with me!) I need to figure out what I love, what I need, and what I absolutely can’t live without. I get excited about things, I can’t help that. I say what’s on my mind, not necessarily being cautious of what leaves my mouth, and to be honest its worth the laughs sometimes. I find that more and more I realize I have some traits similar to my mother, and then I also realize that I want to be more like her.
So I’m going to try an experiment. This will absolutely be a challenge for me, but I think it really needs to be done and I can have something to be proud about. I am going to blog consistently for 21 days. I won’t necessarily write a book, but it will be something. I have been fascinated by the amount of writers and personal stories that are out there. It is clear to see that the effect of eating and health far transcends what is on your plate. It is putting more value into your life. That eating statement kind of came out of no where, I know. I had my highest way in this week since 2005. I am trying to feel more motivated than ever, but that would be a lie. I’ve always said you can’t expect someone to love you, if you don’t love yourself- and now I’m realizing that person is me. So now I’m going to try reconnect, re-friend myself as was discussed on “oh she glows”. I need to find me. And I need to be happy.
One way that I’m going to try to reconnect with things that I love is by capturing them. Not necessarily on camera, but if I see a magazine ad of something I like I’m going to tear it out and put it in my folder. If I see a work of art (like I did last weekend at the Yarmouth Clam Festival) I’m going to write it down and understand why I like it so much. I need to figure out why I like teal so damn much!!!
I’m scared and I’m excited, anxious and maybe not ready but I need to start. I am loving the blogging community that I read about and I want to start my journey…my transformation…my place.